I have had incidents with other women who express dismay in where they are compared to "where I am". I put that in quotes because some perceive me to be Super Woman and super successful business Mogul. They don't understand how I can be running multiple businesses and have 4 children. (There are also women who absolutely don't want to be me for those reasons).
But let me say – Us women tend to inflate other women in our minds and deflate ourselves. And the comparison steals our joy unnecessarily, because we just don't consider that everyone's path is unique and we might not even see past the outer shell of someone's life. It's a vicious cycle where, no matter what stage of life we are in, we are comparing, and we are just never content. When you compare yourself to the life of another person, you see all the negative situations or problems you are dealing with and only the superficial positive information about them. This is not only dwelling on social media but is also present in our daily interactions with others.
It creates a deep dissatisfaction within ourselves. We start to think that we cannot enjoy life to the fullest if we do not have what others have, or that life is just unfair to us somehow. We do not for any instant consider the gifts and blessings that God has given us without asking. It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.
Another quote that I really love and think about often is "Don't compare your behind the scenes with someone else's highlight reel." This is so true! Social media is wonderful and is often used as a tool to reach people, I use it for that! However, social media can also have its downfalls. We see the "good" of peoples lives, their accomplishments and achievements, their happy relationships and vacations, their uplifting quotes and verses.
But we rarely see their valleys, their down days and hard times. That's just not something we share, not something we are "proud of". I hadn't heard that Roosevelt quote before but it rings very true. It's so easy to get caught up in comparing your life with others.
For me, I sometimes feel the urge to compare almost getting stronger—even if it's less frequent—as I get older, almost as if I'm running out of time…just an ego thing certainly. I find being mindful and meditating helps me out with the "want" and focus in on the positive comparison you write about. The lesson was built around the quote, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Often this quote is attributed to President Theodore Roosevelt, but many times it is thought to have been said by author Dwight Edwards. In trying to determine the origin of the quote I came across blog after blog of women writing about this quote. Most were mothers who were talking about the challenge of seeing friends on Facebook and other places who seemed to have it all together while they were struggling just to survive the day.
I think we all have our moments where we can be a bit hard on ourselves, but women especially seem to struggle with comparison and allow that to rob them of the joy found in their unique place in life. Who seems like they are having a better time at school than me? Why does this friend have an easy romantic life and I don't? I started appreciating my life just as it is.
I felt so satisfied with the small things, and the big ones, I find joy in. Now I always have that feeling like I am the luckiest person in this world, because I have so much to be grateful for in my life. But remember, just as we don't know what all the Joneses are going through to keep up with their lifestyle, we also don't know what other bloggers are putting into the business to achieve such success. When I catch myself comparing my blog to others', I ask "Am I really doing everything I can to grow my blog?
" I sometimes spend an entire day in front of the computer only to have written one single blog post and promoted it across social media platforms. It's easy to get distracted by social media and other projects (squirrel syndrome anyone?), and before you know it, the day is gone. When I first discovered FI/RE it was through blogs of people who had already achieved their financial successes with the comment sections filled by others who were already well on their way to FI. So naturally, at times, I made comparisons in the early stages. It took me a while but I soon realized that these people are sharing their stories not to boast or to make make you feel inadequate – but to help you on your own journey. I think knowing intention is key to maintaining perspective and avoiding unhealthy comparisons.
When a friend tells you about their new raise or new home, it's to share their joy and excitement with you – because you're important to them as they are to you. Bearing this in mind, this helps me take a step back when I feel that bitter envy start to rise up. Most of the mental health issues that exist in society are because of comparison. People see others' lives on social media and start comparing themselves with theirs. What they don't realize is people are sharing what they want you to see, only sharing their luxuries and not the hardships.
Theodore Rosevelt's well known quote "Comparison is the thief of joy" explains how comparing your work, your life or whatever else will only serve to make you unhappy. We can become so fixated on what other people are doing, what they can do better than us and what they have that we don't, that we forget to enjoy the here and the now. We forget to enjoy the journey we are on as individuals, and what we do have.
The only way we are going to be comfortable within ourselves and be confident in our own ability is if we focus on ourselves and our own potential. I believe that the greater joy is in compassion than in comparison. The problem is that we can't stop comparing.
Comparison is a fundamental part of being human, because it's how we acquaint ourselves with reality. What we need to do is train ourselves how to compare properly, not cut ourselves off from the necessity of comparison. Leading our comparisons in the right direction — away from envy, pride, covetousness, and self-pity — will turn us into better companions, friends, parents, mentors, and better human beings. This quote is attributed to Theodore Roosevelt – an American statesman and writer, who also served as the President of the United States. Apparently, the attribution is a little disputed.
But it doesn't matter who said it or under what circumstances. I just believe that the content of this quote is absolutely true in everyone's life. Maybe that "thing" someone has is a husband or a wife, well enjoy your single-hood now. Enjoy making your own decisions in life, because when you bring in a partner you have to learn to compromise and that ain't easy! Enjoy your sleep now because from what I hear you don't get much of that when you have kids.
Or perhaps that thing someone has is success. My husband and I talk about this often—you need to define success before you pursue it. If you don't, you'll end up never feeling satisfied or proud of yourself, because someone will ALWAYS have a bigger better victory than you. So, if you define success as losing 5 lbs, and you succeed at losing the 5lbs, then you win!
And when you find out your friend lost 15 lbs, you don't have to compare yourself to them—you can celebrate them. Imagine running a race but constantly looking at the lanes to your left and your right. Really, the only person you're competing against is yourself. So, go as fast as you want, as slow as you want and take as many water breaks as you want. Just keep your head up and focused on your own lane so you don't miss out on the gifts God places in your path. I've been thinking a lot about social media and how it can affect our spirit.
Listen when I tell you that your journey is your own, specially tailored for you and nobody can take that from you. There are so many special gifts along the road waiting for you and only you. When you look at what other people have and start comparing it to what you have, you may start to devalue something that is actually pretty special.
It's special because it's specifically for you at this point in your life. So a little info on social comparison theory – first put forward about 60 years ago by a social psychologist called Leon Festinger. The theory goes that we humans are social animals that make judgements about the world and about ourselves often using concrete facts and by making subjective judgements where we're not sure about the facts. This often leads us to rely on how other people are doing/looking/running/wearing/getting paid to see how we're doing, relatively speaking. It's a basic human drive…we do it to make decisions or to influence our mood. There are two directions of comparison apparently – upward comparison…where you seek out people for comparison who are better or better off than you in some way.
And downward comparison, where you look for people who are worse or worse off than you in some way. And unsurprisingly, unless you're doing it to set yourself a target or look for a role model of something, upward comparison generally tends to make you feel worse about yourself. And downward comparison generally makes you feel better about yourself. We live in a world where we stare at screens for large parts of the day, but we're rarely consuming content that makes us feel fortunate. Quite often we are referencing our life versus a paragon. What a shame that so few people are interested in learning about history as it's clearly an antidote.
I often use the example of child labour in Victorian times, most people are aware it happened but few realise how prevalent it was. Our lives in comparison are extremely fortunate. And this is the point Stephen Pinker and the late Hans Rosling made in Enlightenment Now and Factfulness, life is much better than the media have us believe. It's also easy to compare the ownership of things and fall into the self-destructive habit of jealousy, which is never a healthy state of mind to be in. Can you think of any highly jealous people that are happy, peaceful, and content? Again, when we approach this sort of comparison from a state of want or feelings of scarcity, we focus on the negative side.
They say when we count other people's blessings instead of our own we're bound to make accounting errors. I like Theodore Roosevelt and I've gone along with his thought that "Comparison is the thief of joy" for many years, in fact I've used the quote in a few of my videos to steer people away from this horrible habit. But now I'm realizing that it's not categorically true. In fact, I use comparison all the time to boost my happiness and you can too if you follow two simple principles.
I forgot myself and my joy for too long on social media (Instagram, I'm looking at you). It was due to negative comparisons that ate way at my self-esteem and that gave me the worst case of the not-good-enoughs. As of late, however, I've felt a shift within myself, one that is having my say and believe that I am fine just as I am and that what I share is perfect for me.
Instead of dreading having to curate a perfect, just-so feed for optimal likes and followers, I am simply doing what I enjoy and what feels right for me. When we are flooded with the success or appearance of success of others, it can be draining if we are not in the same chapter of life. Listen to me very carefully – comparison is the thief of joy.
When you constantly compare your life to someone else's – when you compare your middle to someone else's end – you will be robbed of the joy you could be having in your present life. By the nature of the sport, being a runner easily results in comparison. There was a time when I was very active at social media and it was upsetting to look on Facebook or Instagram and see how others are experiencing day-to-day life, or how they are looking in pictures. They always seemed to be enjoying it in a more exciting manner. Theodore Roosevelt once said, "Comparison is the Thief of Joy". You see what someone else has, and you want it for yourself.
With social media, it's so easy to compare your life to others' and feel as if your life is lacking "all the things" they have. And I'm not only talking about physical possessions. The truth is, you don't know their story or what they've been through to get what they have. We want nothing more than to be a guide on your journey, to rest easy with you as you reach your success. Don't let comparison be the thief of your joy! When you reach the pinnacle of financial independence, I hope you look ahead to see it was only a plateau on the arduous journey of life.
You may have reached the apex, but the journey continues. Now you are the positive example to those around you. Inter-personally, comparison is most often negative and unproductive. When I first heard that quote it took a while to sink in.
It is easy for me to compare myself to them, and it just makes me feel less adequate if I dwell on it for long. Well, it's a direct challenge to our very human behaviour of comparing with others in order to make judgements about ourselves. And the quote suggests that the very act of doing this can risk sapping our pleasure in life, even eroding our happiness bit by bit over time. So, how we can get the best from this natural behaviour and maybe build some new habits in the process. Try and imagine this thought experiment for a moment …overnight something happens, wherein everyone you know and everyone you see is doing much worse than you.
Your life is identical to how it is today though, same home, job, friends and possessions but you're now top of the pile. Your social media feed is awash with photos and stories of hardship. If you can immerse yourself in this thought for a small while then it's hard not to feel different. There's certainly no envy, most people would feel grateful and probably happier with their lot. But your life is the same which goes to show how impactful compassion can be on wellbeing. Hikers on the Appalachian trail have the motto "hike your own hike"—that is, resist the urge to compare how many miles you cover in a day to how far other hikers are traveling.
Nevertheless, the urge to make comparisons is strong. Our research has found that more than 10% of daily thoughts involved making a comparison of some kind. New research suggests that the ways that we make comparisons may give us a biased account of our own skills and experiences. Social media is a stage to flaunt our so-called "luxuries," combined with high expectations to earn big money and have a certain lifestyle.
We end up being in this trap and start comparing ourselves with others. This is what comparison is the thief of joy meaning is. The more I compare myself to others, the more I risk hurting my motivation to ever get started. I thought I might try getting into it with Strava now that I have all this time. The easiest thing to do is to check out the segments, see what other people have managed to do, try and outcompete these olympic athletes with superhuman times inevitably to be disappointed, and not keep at it. A few years ago, I came across a striking quote on the power of comparison.
